


is that a tentacle in your pants or are you just happy to see me

by outoftheashes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Banter, Bossy Sam Winchester, Bottom Dean Winchester, Bottom Sam, Bottom Sam Winchester, Consentacles, Crack, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester First Kiss, Fighting Kink, First Kiss, First Time, Flirting, Humor, M/M, Other, Tentacle Sex, Tentacles, Threesome - M/M/Other, Wrestling, dean very briefly rants about florida
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:54:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27086671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outoftheashes/pseuds/outoftheashes
Summary: There’s a tentacle monster in Florida that needs ganking. Dean and Sam are up to the task. But first - Dean wants to fuck it. Obviously.ORSam and Dean fight over who gets to fuck a tentacle monster. Also, banter and “fake” flirting. (Dean, you’re fooling no one). That’s it, that’s the fic.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester/Tentacle Monster
Comments: 32
Kudos: 74
Collections: SPNColdestHits





	is that a tentacle in your pants or are you just happy to see me

**Author's Note:**

> Hesitantly set around s4-5.

“I bet you a lap dance it’s tentacle monster,” Dean says as he practically vibrates out of his skin.

“We already knew that given, well, everything. So no, no lap dance, sorry to disappoint.” Sam’s lips twitch upwards slightly but otherwise, he remains frozen in his chair, pouring over nasty ass research. “And survivors are saying they couldn’t walk for three days. Doesn’t sound like your kind of hentai, Dean.”

“Hey, you don’t know that for sure.”

Bitchface time. Excellent, achievement unlocked. It’s been a while since he’s irritated Sam this quickly. “Unless you got a secret to share, big guy? You been sneaking through my stash?”

“You wish. And it’s not the time for one of your jerk off fantasies, we really should take care of this, Dean.”

“Hey, you started it -”

“Technically, you started it.”

“Man, you're so uptight and shit. Got a stick shoved way up your ass. Can’t be good for your health. Take it out for once, kiddo.”

“Whatever, Dean.” Sam rolls his eyes and stands up, stretching his arms above his head, his too-small, downright _idiotic_ purple dog shirt riding high enough it reveals far too much of his belly. Not that Dean is looking or anything. “Come on, we don’t have time for this. Let’s go.”

“You’re only changing the subject ‘cause you lost,” Dean says sweetly, hip checking Sam on his way to the bathroom. “You’re wrong, by the way. Incapacitated for days because the sex was so fucking awesome? That’s exactly my kind of thing. Hell, I’d happily die during sex. Can’t pick a better way to go if you ask me.”

“Really didn’t need to know that.”

That’s why Dean says it. And why he’s going to continue this little game for as long as he feels like it. Anything to not have to think about the goddamn Apocalypse for more than five minutes.

_Sammy, you ain’t seen nothing yet._

* * *

“Dean,” Sam says with a huff. Oh, yeah, the kid is frustrated again, no doubt about it. “Did you hear a word I just said?”

They’d left the last survivor, which meant food. Well, for Dean it meant food, for Sam it probably meant _more_ research because he was fucking psychotic. Seriously, they already knew how to kill the damn thing (mostly, look, it probably involved something pointy, it’s not rocket science, Dean _so_ had this), they knew where it resided, what more could Sam possibly obsess over?

Maybe, just maybe, Dean can go fuck the monster while Sam’s busy Sammy-ing. Because fucking it _around_ his brother is out of the question. It would be a complete buzzkill. Sam would be running his mouth the whole time and angsting up a storm. Who the hell wants that? Not Dean, no thank you.

“Nope,” Dean finally says, smiling winningly. The pissier Sam looks, the more excited Dean gets. He can own that. It’s like their own fucked up form of foreplay, just… without the incest. “But I’m sure you’ll bring me up to speed, kiddo.”

“You’re getting off on… on their descriptions of the monster. On what it did to them. _Dean._ ”

“Don’t sound so shocked.” Dean winks at Sam. “We’ve been through this already.”

“Yeah, but in front of the victims, Dean? Come on, you’re better than this, don’t fucking fantasize when we’re on a case _,_ I need you. I need your _help._ ”

“You were handling it just fine.” Dean shrugs it off. “What ya gonna do about it if I don’t help enough, hot stuff? Spank me? ‘Cause it’s a nice way to let off some steam, lemme tell ya.”

Sam wrinkles his nose. “Gross, Dean.”

“You love it.”

“Are you punishing me because we missed breakfast?”

“You’re goddamn right.”

Sam lets out a longsuffering sigh and rubs at his face. “Fine, okay. Food first. Work later. But you gotta stop with the… flirting or propositioning or whatever the fuck it is that you’re doing. Gimme your keys.”

“So bossy, damn.” He does hand the keys over, though. For some reason. Just kidding, Dean _totally_ knows why. So does his dick.

“Clearly, you need to be told what to do.”

Dean wants to say something like _kid, you don’t know the half of it,_ but Sam’s already slamming Baby’s door shut and turning on the music full-blast.

* * *

Florida swamps are a wet and terrible place.

“It’s all alligators,” Dean says as they trudge along. It feels aimless. Useless. This isn’t _nearly_ as sexy as he was hoping for _and_ Sam had refused to let Dean go alone. Fan-fucking-tastic. “Alligators and fucking grass. This sucks.”

“There’s way more than alligators here, what are you talking about? Did you forget the manatees, dolphins, turtles, and key deer? It’s gorgeous, dude.”

“I’m not entirely sure we’re related. It’s Florida. It’s awful and no one with taste likes it."

“Well, if you hate Florida so much, I call dibs on fucking the monster.”

“Huh?” Dean’s brain is short-circuiting, it can’t compute what’s happening. Yeah, he’d teased Sam earlier about his potential tentacle interest but jerking it to porn and rolling around with the real deal are two very different things.

Also, the fucker had totally denied it, what the hell?

“You heard me, Dean.”

“Well, aren’t you a shitty little hypocrite. Judging me for my reaction around the victims but secretly you’re planning on fucking the thing too?”Dean asks then growls when he trips on a dead thing. He doesn’t have time to stop and investigate what, exactly, it is. But it’s very, very dead and he thinks he got some of it on the bottom of his shoe. Fucking lovely.

“I’m just tired of your shit. This seems like a pretty sweet form of revenge.”

“Everyone knows I’m the more attractive brother, it’s gonna choose me over you,” Dean says and he doesn’t even believe it he just wants to get under Sam’s skin. They’re no longer walking with a purpose of finding the monster and, instead, they begin orbiting each other, glaring. “Let’s settle this,” Dean says and lunges for Sam. “I’ll fucking fight you for it.”

“If you’re the hot one why bother fighting me for it,” Sam asks, voice sharp as they tumble to the ground and immediately begin rolling around in the muck. Sam’s quick to manhandle Dean onto his back, gazing down at Dean with smug triumph as he pins him in place. _Caught._

“Looks like that was a mistake, huh?”

“Shut up, Sam,” Dean snaps as he squirms beneath his Sasquatch of a brother. “Best two out of three. C’mon, lemme up.”

“Nah, I don’t think I will.”

“Knock it off, Sam!” Dean has to bite back a moan as their cocks rub together. Their _hard_ cocks. “Dude! What’s up with your dick?”

“This is what you get for teasing me,” Sam says simply, rolling his hips in a dirty figure eight, keeping their cocks flush together. “And you’re hard too so I’m not entirely sure what you’re whining about.”

“Dude, there’s shitty murdery animals everywhere, now’s not the time for a round of gay chicken,” Dean says, his voice an octave higher than he’d like. Truth be told, he’d feel a hell of a lot better about the grinding if it had been his idea; if _Dean_ were the one in control and Sammy just had to take it.

Instead, Dean’s on the receiving end. Humiliating.

“Oh, so you’d give it up for the tentacle monster but not for me, huh?”

“What? You jealous, _Samantha_ -”

Dean doesn’t get a chance to finish razzing Sam. His big-ass little brother smashes their lips together, effectively cutting Dean off.

“Fuck,” Sam says, snaking a hand between them, fumbling with the button on Dean’s jeans. Dean bites his lips as Sam aggressively tugs Dean’s dick free. “Got anything to say, Dean? You gonna whisper sweet nothings in my ear? You gonna participate? Hmm?”

“I-” Sam starts stroking Dean’s cock. It’s fucking vicious and perfect. Dean keens. “I dunno, Sammy. Guess I’m still trying to figure out what the hell happened. Didn’t know you had a crush or whatever.”

“I don’t,” Sam replies and Dean can’t say he believes him. It’s too knee-jerk quick. Defensive, almost. “It’s nothing, just some payback.”

“No date or anything, eh? Just cut right to the chase. I see how it is. I can respect that, just didn’t think you were the type -”

“Stop talking.”

“Make me.”

Sam forces their mouths together again and their teeth clack painfully. That’s kind of entirely okay. Right now, it feels like they can do anything. There are no rules. _A gentleman’s agreement._ Yeah, Dean’s heard that before and he thinks it applies here. They can do this and never speak of it again. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just sex and they’re doing it because of what they’re here for, what they _have to do -_

This line of thinking is interrupted by 1) Sam increasing the pace and therefore bringing Dean closer to the edge of orgasm and 2) a cold, slimy thing that definitely isn’t Sam brushes against Dean’s arm.

Dean smacks Sam’s arm and, when Sam doesn’t stop kissing Dean or jerking him off, hits the back of his head for good measure. “Ow! What was that for?”

Dean jabs his finger at the tentacle on his arm. “We’ve got company, big guy.”

“Oh fuck,” Sam breathes, turning his attention to the wet, grey-pink monster. It’s a big round ball looking thing. A ball with big-ass tentacles sprouting from it. There has to be a mouth somewhere, Dean thinks, but he can’t see it through the sheer amount of appendages. It’s goddamn nightmarish and his dick jerks in want just from _looking_ at it. “Fuck, it’s huge. One tentacle is like… the size of my forearm, what the fuck?”

“Heh. You aren’t chickening out now, are you, Sammy?” Dean asks, wiggling his brows.

Sam scowls but otherwise doesn’t get the chance to respond. The monster is done with its exploratory nudges and grabs Sam, lifting him off of Dean easily. “Fuck!” Sam yelps as he flails in midair. “Oh my god.”

Dean smirks and pillows his arms beneath his head. “Problem? Is this too much for you, princess?”

“No,” Sam says, the stubborn little shit. “No way.”

Sam whimpers as the thing worms its way inside Sam’s jeans and tears them to shreds until Sam’s left in his boxers, his useless pants now hanging onto his ankles by stray threads.

“Well, would you look at that,” Dean says as a tendril caresses his cock. “Guess we don’t gotta take turns after all.”

“Hnn,” Sam says.

A tentacle massages Sam’s junk before slipping into the flap at the front of Sam’s boxers as Sam’s whole body trembles and quakes. Another tentacle is playing with Sam’s hair and yet another is on his face, probing the edge of his slick-looking mouth.

“Damn, Sam, you’re really easy, huh?” Dean asks, bucking up against the tentacle. It toys with the tip of his dripping cock and Dean gets the feeling it’s taking its time. “You sensitive, baby brother? Gonna blow your load nice and early before it’s even really started? ‘Cause I’d be fine with that.”

Even in his damn near blissed-out state, Sam’s still able to manage throwing Dean an annoyed glance. Dean has superpowers, that’s what this proves. Who else could possibly make Sam look this pissy while he’s getting off? No one comes to mind. “Dude, stop.”

“Mm, never.” Dean flicks his tongue against his teeth and spreads his legs, begging without words for the tentacle to give his hole similar treatment.

“It’ll escalate, it always does,” Sam says as if that will warn Dean away. He moans. It’s a drawn-out, delicious sound. It ends on a shudder and Dean really, _really_ wants to hear that again.

“Counting on it,” Dean says cheekily then hums in approval when the tentacle gives him mercy, dipping downwards past his balls, going straight for his hole. The tentacle breeches Dean’s ass with no trouble at all and it’s Dean’s turn to shiver and quake. He’s never been this _stretched_ , not once. Sam’s lips part - to reply? To whine? Dean’s not sure but a tendril slips inside his little brother’s mouth, fucking it messily.

“Do we really gotta gank this thing?” Dean asks, meeting the _thick_ tentacle in his ass thrust for thrust. Sam doesn’t answer because his mouth is being put to amazing use. “‘Cause I don’t think we should.” Dean can’t shake the feeling that their roll in the hay is going to be a marathon rather than a sprint and he plans on enjoying every second of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Please know I don’t hate Florida or anyone who likes it, I truly just thought it’d be funny to have Dean rant about it. (If it made you smile at all, it’s Rose’s genius, not mine). 
> 
> Wanna know why I wrote this fic? Go here: https://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/625363367717158912/october-2020-prompt-a-graveyard-smash-posting
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Edited to add: 
> 
> Liked this fic? Check out another cracky wincest monster fic (vampire Dean) by a lovely friend of mine: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27087694  
> (she made the art at the end of this fic too, btw). 
> 
> Actually hit up all the fics in the collection while you're at it ;);)


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